5 Limiting Beliefs That Keep Women from Having the Career they Want (And What to do About Them)

I work with smart, dynamic women and the biggest obstacle they face isn’t that they’re not qualified or prepared for opportunity, but rather it’s the feeling of self-doubt and their own limiting beliefs that hold them back. 

The first step in changing negative thought patterns is to identify what they are, then replace them with a healthier viewpoint (reframe) that will strengthen your ability to succeed.

I’ve identified the 5 most common limiting beliefs I’ve heard from clients that have kept them from going after the success that they want, along with the reframes that have helped them achieve their career and business goals. 

1.    Limiting Belief: “I’m not thin, pretty, young, (fill in the blanks) enough to be really successful.”

One of the strongest fears, we have as women is that we do not measure up to the ideal of what a truly successful person looks like. Even though it seems we’ve come a long way (hello body positive movement!) we still compare ourselves with carefully curated and packaged “success” stories. 

Reframe: “I have everything I need.”

The hard, but liberating truth behind real success is that you never see what’s going on behind the scenes. Slick, pretty pictures usually hide sweat and tears and years of hard work. There’s a saying “never compare your beginning with someone else’s middle.” I would add to this, “Never compare yourself with anyone else, period”. No one else has your strengths or your unique way of doing things. You are enough and you have everything you need.

2.    Limiting Belief: “If I fail, I’m a failure.”

Women (and girls) aren’t taught to fail. We are taught to get good grades and raise our hands and always know the right answer. We are taught that if we aren’t great writers, we can’t publish our articles (personal experience here), and that we have to know how to do everything perfectly before we can put our work out into the world. This translates into “If I do everything right everyone will love me, no one will reject me, and I will make lots of money doing what I love”. Question: How’s that working for you?

Reframe: “If I take risks I will fail, but not always, and the rewards will be greater than if I never try at all.”

Can you really say you’ve never failed at anything? We all fail, all the time. It may be your marriage, your job, or an unexpected illness that keeps you from doing something you really want. When we cocoon ourselves to stay safe what we’re telling the universe is “I can’t handle anything hard, so don’t bring me anything beyond my comfort zone”. Guess what? Success will be hard, and messy, and exciting because you will push yourself into territory that is completely unfamiliar. Trust me, this is where the good stuff is. This is where dreams live.

3.    Limiting Belief: “My past predicts my future”

We have all experienced loss and disappointment at some point in our lives. Often times these experiences set up fear of future disappointment which leads to inaction. We especially have a tendency of taking on past criticism from childhood and letting it determine our life choices. Getting let go from a job that wasn’t a good fit becomes “My mom was right, I can’t do anything right so I’ll never succeed “or “I couldn’t make my marriage work, so I can’t possibly have a successful business”. This belief always keeps you from moving forward, because you’re continually living in the past.

Reframe: “I control my future. My success isn’t predetermined”.

 I took Postmodernism in college. Here’s my simplistic definition of the concept which underlies this reframe: “Truth” is only true because the majority of people believe it to be. There is no objective reality. Pretty radical stuff. What if we are could use this concept to release the so-called “truths” we have bought into about how our setbacks are a reflection of our self-worth? What if we really could push through our self-doubts and attack every obstacle as if the outcome is not certain? What difference would that knowledge make in your life and your career?

4.    Limiting Belief: “It’s all been done before, and better than I can do it, so I might as well not try”.

When I started coaching I was brimming with ideas. I would immediately jump on google and I would find that not only was someone already doing what I had thought up but often the exact phrases or titles that I had thought so brilliant were already being used! It was so disheartening to realize that my “original” idea, wasn’t so original. I had to come to the realization that what mattered was the results I helped my clients receive, not the catchy phrases I came up with.

Reframe: “It’s all been done before, but not by me. I have gifts that are unique to who I am”

Whether you’re starting your own business or trying to excel in your career, the most important thing is to identify YOUR strengths and work to YOUR higher purpose. When you’re passionate about what you do and are consistently delivering outstanding results, this will ultimately make the biggest difference. There is enough room for more than one successful woman, even doing the same work. It’s time we begin uplifting each other and celebrating our collective, and individual achievements. Yes, it’s all been done before, but not by you. And you will do it, brilliantly.

5.    Limiting Belief: “My success is beyond my control”.

This belief is connected to what I call the good girl syndrome. We often think that we have to wait for someone to notice our worth in order to be successful. A new client stated she had been waiting years to get a promotion (and had asked several times), but that she was too loyal to the company she worked for to move on. In order to look for (and ultimately find) a job she loved, we first had to dismantle her belief that she was selfish for wanting to leave a company that did not value her worth.

Reframe: “I am valuable and I create my own opportunities”.

As women, we aren’t often taught to say that we are good at what we do. We also aren’t taught to be strategic when it comes to planning our careers. I believe these are two of the major factors that hold us back from being truly successful. In order to get ahead, we have to have a clear direction to where we want to go and be able to walk away with a clear conscience if need be. What would it feel like to own this reframe for yourself? To know that your work is valuable, your contributions are meaningful, and that ultimately you can create your own success?